Co-sleeping is one of the most debated topics when it comes to baby sleep. And each person should absolutely be able to make their own decision on this.
Take time to think about it. There are safer ways to be able to co-sleep with a new-born, however, it will always come with risks. Even with safe sleep practices co-sleeping is not risk free. I am not here to promote one side over the other, but to give facts on both. I strongly recommend the Lullaby Trust for most up to date advice:
The Lullaby Trust states that babies are always safest on their own, and on their back. They do also give great advice for making inevitable co-sleeping as safe as possible for when there are situations where this needs to happen. This advice includes things such as removing any loose bedding and ensuring there are no wedges or headboards that may pose risks. I highly recommend that you head to their website and check out the latest guidance, as when not done safely, co-sleeping can be extremely dangerous for your baby and can greatly increase the chances of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome).
Co-sleeping is a very personal choice, if it's done safely and it's working - great! When I work with families around co-sleeping challenges, I often say that if everyone is getting the sleep they need and it’s working – then don’t feel you have to change it. Equally, it is also perfectly OK if co-sleeping is not for you. Often, neither the parents or the little one is getting the sleep that they need when co-sleeping, and often it becomes unsustainable. It’s also OK to feel that you need your own space too.
Right from the start, have a think about this and decide how you and your partner feel about it. Why is this conversation important?
1. Often, one partner feels differently from the other.
2. Once a baby gets used to co-sleeping it is very rare that they voluntarily give it up and you will need to consider a transitional process at some stage, whether it be when they move to their own room or beyond.
Many parents come to me asking how they can end co-sleeping because it is not for them, it has become unsustainable, and often used as a ‘quick fix’ idea in the early hours! My biggest bit of advice around co-sleeping is, decide and keep it consistent. Often for us as parents we are quite happy to co-sleep for the later part of the night. However, the reality is that our little ones don’t have any concept of time. They just know it happens at some stage of the night, and so this can bring increased awakening earlier in the night with the knowledge that move has still to come.
If we allow it intermittently, the chances are that it brings a longer fight back to sleep. So, if you are happy to co-sleep even part of the night, then allow it always. Likewise, if you are keen to support them in their own sleep space then keep the settles in there consistently so that they aren’t getting confused or receiving any mixed messages – it really is the kindest way and to build that secure attachment through consistency.
If you are already co-sleeping, and it is something you gently want to move away from then you know it is time. Whether you have been co-sleeping for days, months, or years in many cases - you will get to a point where you know it isn't sustainable anymore. It might also be that your older child isn't getting the sleep that they need by waking and transitioning. If someone isn't getting all the sleep they need - then it is likely time to make some changes.
For babies - you might want to start layering on some new sleep cues ahead of the move to give you something else in your tool kit to support them in their own sleep space.
For toddlers and older kids - you can start by having lots of positive conversations around this before the move, this always goes a long way! Your first goal will be resettling them back in their own bed for a few days to help them adjust to this. You may also want to consider some extra tools and a plan on how you'll support them there too!
In conclusion, only you can decide what is best for you as a family, and what is bringing the safest and more rested nights. If it is something you want to change, then be rest assured that you can do this responsively too!
I'm here anytime that you need me.
Jade
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