Separation Anxiety - inevitable phases our little ones go through and often can disrupt the day-to-day as well as sleep.
In this blog we’ll be working through the signs of separation anxiety and how to manage it.
What is Separation Anxiety?
This is where little one has a change in fear from being separated from their parent/care giver, as well as fearing strangers or people outside of their home. It is developmentally normal - and can come in waves between the ages of 6 months to 3 years.
Are you suddenly not able to leave the room at any point without them being extremely upset?
This is one of the most common signs you are entering a phase of Separation anxiety!
And why does it happen?
They developmentally begin to realise how dependant they are on you as a parent or with other close family members.
They are also building a higher awareness of their surroundings and the wider world, and realising that there is more around them than the comfort of home or their parents.
Babies at this age are beginning to develop a sense of object permanence. This means that they start to understand that objects and people continue to exist even when they cannot see them.
Often the separation anxiety highlights that secure bond we have already established with our little ones.
But with secure attachments these can still be established during these phases. As we know we need to go to work, have nursery drop offs and so on even through these phases. And showing you are always coming back for them and the trust in you that way does promote that attachment and security too
Yes, it can be overwhelming! But here are some tips for supporting you through it.
Tips for Managing Separation Anxiety in the daytime
Make goodbyes a positive! Even though it feels hard, show positivity and confidence - reassuring you’ll be back really soon!
Leave a comforter - Leave them with comforters or something they identify with you.
Practice short periods away from each other - Such as trips to the toilet, leaving them with a care giver whilst you nip to a shop - short periods where it’s really clear you are staying true to your word of being back soon.
Playing separation games like peek-a boo/hide and seek can help!
Talk about what you'll be doing together when you get back, what your evening/day will look like and build excitement in that.
And what about managing Separation Anxiety and Sleep!
During these phases it will be completely normal (although exhausting) for them to start waking and be upset without you there. And calm again as soon as you enter the room.
Depending on where you are with your settle - this could take you a few steps back.
If they could previously self settle - you may need to make some temporary tweaks.
If you are not there yet, or were planning to make some bigger changes to their settle I’d hang fire a week or two until it eases.
Here are some top tips for managing this.
In the lead up to bedtime, keep it calm and nurturing! Give them all the love then. Calm peek-a-boo games, or embed stories around separation for your toddlers before bedtime!
For toddlers working through concepts such as the “worry monster” or dealing with those feelings ahead of bedtime can really help them talk over the feelings and feel your reassurance before.
Establish the Bedtime Routine - And keep it consistent! Consistency promotes that secure attachment.
Pop Ins - If they previously settled without you present, you may need to become more present. Even if it is temporary. Pop ins can be a good work around where you support their settle in there, tell them you need the toilet and come back to resume position. Build up your time out of the room gradually over the week.
Don’t go completely backwards! If you were previously out of the room, be in and present but work cot side. Don’t go back to rocking etc as this will be harder once the phase passes.
Don’t be tempted to sneak out too early. Sneaking out isn’t going to help their anxiety - be clear on where you are so they know where to expect you.
Stay Calm & Reassuring - They’ll sense the calm from you too!
Set the Environment - Bring back the white noise, dull red night lights. Or any comforts to support them.
Like all phases, it will pass!
But remember, predictability and consistency will support them in this and their secure attachment they seek.
It is real, and it’s hard. But it will ease!
Then make those conscious steps to get back to where you were over a few days.
If you need further support - please do contact me or book in a call and we can chat it all through!
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