Best Sleep Training Methods

I have been that parent frantically Googling sleep training methods, only to be left with approaches that didn't align with me, or weren't suited for my kids.

There is a LOT of information out there when it coms to Sleep Training. Have you heard it is bad for your baby? That it involves leaving them to cry on their own? That you won't be responding to your baby's cues and needs?

"Sleep training" has many methods and values attached to it. There is a huge misconception when it comes to sleep training - as many hear this means "cry it out". (Which is not something I practice!) There are also many beliefs that "sleep training" means you are not responding to your baby, again this does not have to be the case. I think of changing sleep cues as "sleep learning". Where we gradually replace existing sleep cues with new ones, that are meeting their needs and this brings minimal upset.

I often see posts/blogs around this new "anti-sleep training" movement, and giving this a bad name. Which, to some degree I do agree with when they are calling out "cry it out to extinction methods" - as I do believe that these are indeed harmful practices for little ones.

Parents often find themselves feeling stuck. They are so sleep deprived, struggling and don't know where to seek help in fear that even experts will be advising them to leave their baby to cry which isn't in their own ethos.

The Good News? There are lots of gentle, responsive practices to help! This is what I do, I find a responsive solution bespoke to your little one, and to help them feel rested while promoting a secure attachment - consistently.

As a mum of two, I have never had to nor wanted to leave my little ones to cry and figure it out. And this is no judgement on those who do - you know yourself and your child best and I completely get that it feels like there is no other option, and you've likely managed and bub is sleeping now.

But I do also know, that it leaves many others in a hard place of what they can do to help their little ones when it comes to sleep.

Sleep Training usually happens when there are strong sleep associations that are affecting there sleep, and we work towards a way of being able to settle without that particular sleep association. This skill usually comes between 4 and 6 months of age in line with bigger developmental leaps, which heightens their awareness in their settle.

Sleep training is (in basic form) helping your baby learn to fall asleep independently without the support of any sleep associations, such as feeding, rocking, contact sleeping for example.

When there are strong sleep associations, often their sleep can become more disconnected. This is where they start to wake during lighter phases of sleep realising that they are without the thing they need to get back to sleep.

When we focus on gradually moving from these sleep associations, and they learn to sleep without it or with different cues you find their stretches of sleep become longer.

The most common sleep associations that I see are:

- Feeding to Sleep

- Rocking

- Contact Sleeping

- Co-sleeping

-Dummies

Does sleep training mean you have to fully give up feeding and cuddles? Absolutely not! But we can gently work on these and create new sleep cues which are easier to wean from and promote a self settle where they aren't completely reliant on one thing to get them back to sleep every time they wake.

This is important to know that often little ones get upset if there isn't a consistent rhythm. It is true when we hear that they thrive on routine, and that doesn't necessarily mean the bedtime routine in the lead up.

It may be that there are lots of things you have tried already, however it may be that trying various methods become confusing for them and they don't know what comes next. When they feel we can be true to our word and they build the trust with us, this supports their secure attachment and this can be done in gentle sleep training, some of these methods you can read below.

Ultimately, we want happy and rested babies!

Why would someone choose to Sleep Training and encourage self settles?
a) The baby/child is not getting the sleep they need to thrive and sleep deprived of the hours they should be getting.
b) Parents are beyond sleep deprived and it is affecting many aspects in the families lives.

So what are some of the main sleep training methods out there?

Firstly, here are two I don't usually recommend.

- Cry It Out

What this means - is crying to extinction. Where we put baby in cot, leave and there is no return. This is detrimental to their psychological development. If a little one has had strong contact associations, and suddenly goes to no one being there then this of course will cause extreme upset, for both baby and parents likely. And there is no check in for other cries which could be detrimental.

- Ferber

The concept of leaving is the same here, but with timed intervals. Which then increase over a few days until they are falling asleep. Babies only have a certain threshold before their instincts kick in and real upset shows, so this method can often do the same. Albeit, this can be an effective method and indeed incorporates some responsive patterns but can easily be inconsistent and is too big a step if baby is going from a strong comfort association. This could work if baby is without those associations and is happy on their own, but otherwise I would not usually recommend.

Here are some other options:

- Pick Up/Put Down

This is a method where we pick up with every awakening, or in attempt to comfort and settle before placing back down in their cot/sleep space until they can gauge how to sleep without it. This is a gentle sleep training method I think is tricky for both parents and little ones. How long do you pick up for? How often do you do it? And for the little ones, you often find that frustration kicks in as they know they'll get put back down, and they'll feel frustrated if you are there and not picking them up. This is a hard cycle to break! But this can be very effective for younger babies who don't yet have strong sleep associations!

- The Moving Chair Method

This is of course where we start close to the cot, sitting on a chair or item which gradually moves further away until you are near the door. Again - this can work well for some little ones depending on their personality and temperaments. Some easy-going little ones may accept this, but more alert ones will likely be too stimulated and frustrated being able to see you and you not responding. Or more confused as to why you are there! But, I have seen this work well with many.

- Settling Cot Side

This can be a great method to help reassure your little one, with closer contact and helping establish new rhythms. Finding something that helps soothes them, with your presence is a great step before moving further away or out the room. This is an approach I do like!

- Confidence Building

This works well for toddlers, and a strategy I use to help build confidence in their own sleep spaces. This could involve "pop ins" or my own speedy shuffle concepts to help. This I also mix with various toddler appropriate positive encouragement which works very well.

- The Speedy Shuffle

This is a concept I created for once we have them at a place of settling happily in the cot, with you in the room. This is the very last stage! Many babies can get upset if you stand up and walk out of the room, so slowly edging out whilst pausing to reassure them can make a big difference. It might take a minute or two to get out, but they'll be much less phases by it! And - you also don't need to time when you go back in, read the cues and respond! It works brilliantly.

With all of these, and where there are

strong associations are present I do recommend some microsteps as a first step in many cases, for example; can you reduce the rock to a stagnant position? Unlatch before falling asleep?

My biggest bit of advice is figuring out your starting point and slowly working on those big associations first. Then this will make your cot settles easier!

All little ones are different - so I don't believe there is a one-size-fits-all approach. However, my methods are bespoke, effective and set up for success and you respond to your babies cues!

Most importantly, any sleep training approach must align with you, or if will be hard for you to stick with it. If you're keen to find an approach that aligns with you, and is bespoke to your little one then you can take action today.

I hope this eases your mind as to what is possible when it comes to responsive sleep training and methods to consider!

Jade